Figuring it out vs. just doing it

There is something to be said for just taking action. Truly to achieve anything in life you have to take action. This is what separates those who just dream and those who actually achieve their dreams…which are you?

I have always been a deep thinker and as I meandered through the path of self discovery and personal development, I realised that I figure things out before I do something about it. Sometimes I think I have actually got far too stuck in the figuring out phase that I have then had to remind myself that unless I actually do something, nothing is going to happen.

In my experience, figuring out why you do something or where a particular trait, behaviour or dysfunction comes from enables you to process through and move beyond it.

There is another perspective on this, and that is to just do it. Not to get stuck in where or why things happen or are the way they are, but just to do what you need to in moving past them. Act out what you want, rather than sit yourself in the past and figure out why something is that way or where it came from.

Which camp do you sit in and what do you usually do?

Taking action will result in some consequence, whatever that may be and arguably it is better to do something than nothing. Although I believe wholeheartedly that getting stuck in the past isn’t good for you – after all there is nothing you can do to change it, understanding how you reached this point is quite freeing. When you realise something about yourself that just makes everything fall into place and make sense, it suddenly allows you to move forward. To me this process frees you, it allows those suppressed and hidden fears/emotions to become unstuck. It heals the wound and enables you to take the action without being triggered to relive it, over again…

So by figuring it out you are breaking the cycle…I have found the easiest way to do this is through meditation. Problems arise for a reason and when you are able to use meditation to solve them, you’ll find the process flows more and over time, becomes easier. Accepting what is and trusting the process is important. Simply meditate on what you are figuring out and then let go. The answers to these sorts of problems don’t always come at once, but they do come. Sometimes in subsequent meditations and often times through synchronicity – those things that seemingly just randomly come your way. When you realise that what are being guided to read is the solution to your earlier questions during meditation….

Be patient….the solution can always be found in the problem.

[Image copyright, thank you, Ben White, Instagram @benwhitephotography]

What happens when you be yourself?

I am listening to a book that was originally published over 70 years ago… by Dale Carnegie. You may have heard of it; How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Most self development teachings of today mirror the principles of this book and others like it. What I love about books written so long ago is that the teachings are often simpler and more straight forward.

This morning I listened to a story in the book about a singer. She was blessed with an amazing voice but felt she lacked in the looks department because her front teeth protruded so much. For her first appearance on stage she was crippled with fear that if people saw her teeth they would laugh at her and ‘boo’ her off stage. So much so that when she did finally begin to sing she did in such a way to keep her top lip firmly covering her teeth, which of course affected her singing. Not only did it affect her voice but it also made her look somewhat ridiculous because it was incredibly difficult to keep her top lip curled over her teeth while singing!

A man in the audience, who happened to be in the music industry, saw something in her and realised what she was doing. Afterwards he spoke to her and explained that by disliking her teeth so much she was not only affecting her voice, but her confidence and the way she came across on stage. By trying to hide her teeth, she was actually bringing about the circumstances she most feared. He encouraged her to look at her teeth differently, to accept them and to embrace them as something unique to her. He said that rather than curling her lip over the top of them she should instead open her mouth wide to let her singing voice shine through. Own the fact she had protruding teeth – who is to say that isn’t attractive? In stopping trying to hide what she was most embarrassed about and trying to be who she thought others wanted her to be, she became – free to be herself. This changed her into a singing sensation almost overnight and totally changed the way she felt about herself and the way she looked.

This story is the perfect example of the simplicity of this book, yet you could think about your own life, today, and I would bet that you too hide parts of yourself you dislike or are embarrassed about. Do you act differently or try to be someone else around others because that’s who you think they feel you should be? If we are honest, most of us could say we do this.

“When you stop trying to hide the things you feel embarrassed or dislike about yourself and striving to be who you think others want you to be, you become free…to be yourself.”

Maldives for the Mind

When you stop hiding parts of yourself either through being embarrassed about them or disliking, even hating them, you are faced with the truth. Simply that you are who you are. Why spend your life trying to be someone you are not. Be yourself and love every aspect of that. When you do this, you ‘own it’ and although you begin to see that it truly does not matter what others think of you, because you are exuding so much self confidence, people feel the difference and they see you as you see yourself.

[Image copyright, thank you, Nitish Meena Unsplash Instagram @nitishm]

The New Year Sale

I’ve been pondering recently on an exercise suggested as an alternative to setting New Year resolutions.

I am not a fan of New Year resolutions. I don’t make them. I can resolve to changing something at any time during the year. New Year resolutions for most people don’t stick. Most often people make them because they feel they have to, rather than wanting to, which makes it meaningful and more likely to last. If this is the case, chances are they won’t last much beyond February. Another reason why you find the gym you go to so jam packed during January only to quieten down again and return to normal in February.

Instead, I like to reflect on the year that has passed and think about what I’d like to see happening for the coming year. I avoid setting goals at the beginning of January and just ease myself back in and then start thinking about it towards the end of the month.

So an alternative New Year exercise is to review your entire calendar for the year just gone by. Take a notepad and draw a line down the middle of the page, heading ‘negative’ on one side and ‘positive’ on the other. Review the calendar week by week, writing down the name of each person you’ve interacted with in one of the columns based on the impact they’ve had upon you?

Easy right? Not so, there is more to this than one would first think…

By the way, if you have an iphone it will have a default setting that erases your calendar as you go along. No idea why it thinks this would be helpful. You can restore all your diary by going into calendar settings and choosing to ‘sync’ all events. It adds everything back in almost instantly. I can’t speak for other devices but for ical this works. If you don’t note or write who you meet in your calendar, you could simply make a list of all the people you have interacted with through the year. To be honest I found I did a bit of both because I don’t always schedule personal meet ups in my calendar, so I wrote down a list of all the people in my life and who I have met with in the last year.

Once you have your list of people, write them on the naughty or nice list.

The idea is that at the end of the exercise you can choose to have less or no interaction with those on the negative or naughty list.

For me it wasn’t quite that black and white. What I found was, that there were many people who had both a positive and a negative impact on me. Not surprisingly some of these were family members, but also people I work with too.

There were so many benefits to doing this. It gave me the opportunity to see who I spend most of my time with – am sure you have heard of the saying that we are the sum of the 5 people we surround ourselves with. It gives you the opportunity to appraise who those people are.

I realised that at some points we all (some more than others) impact both negatively and positively on others. Even if we aren’t intending to it is the perception of others that decides the impact we have upon them. So in that vein I came to the conclusion that really it is my response that makes it positive or negative. After all that’s all I am in control of. I can’t change the way another person behaves. I can only change the way in which I respond, and, as the purpose of the exercise, decide whether or not to keep people in my life.

Gives a whole new meaning to a New Year sale.