I’ve been pondering recently on an exercise suggested as an alternative to setting New Year resolutions.
I am not a fan of New Year resolutions. I don’t make them. I can resolve to changing something at any time during the year. New Year resolutions for most people don’t stick. Most often people make them because they feel they have to, rather than wanting to, which makes it meaningful and more likely to last. If this is the case, chances are they won’t last much beyond February. Another reason why you find the gym you go to so jam packed during January only to quieten down again and return to normal in February.
Instead, I like to reflect on the year that has passed and think about what I’d like to see happening for the coming year. I avoid setting goals at the beginning of January and just ease myself back in and then start thinking about it towards the end of the month.
So an alternative New Year exercise is to review your entire calendar for the year just gone by. Take a notepad and draw a line down the middle of the page, heading ‘negative’ on one side and ‘positive’ on the other. Review the calendar week by week, writing down the name of each person you’ve interacted with in one of the columns based on the impact they’ve had upon you?
Easy right? Not so, there is more to this than one would first think…
By the way, if you have an iphone it will have a default setting that erases your calendar as you go along. No idea why it thinks this would be helpful. You can restore all your diary by going into calendar settings and choosing to ‘sync’ all events. It adds everything back in almost instantly. I can’t speak for other devices but for ical this works. If you don’t note or write who you meet in your calendar, you could simply make a list of all the people you have interacted with through the year. To be honest I found I did a bit of both because I don’t always schedule personal meet ups in my calendar, so I wrote down a list of all the people in my life and who I have met with in the last year.
Once you have your list of people, write them on the naughty or nice list.
The idea is that at the end of the exercise you can choose to have less or no interaction with those on the negative or naughty list.
For me it wasn’t quite that black and white. What I found was, that there were many people who had both a positive and a negative impact on me. Not surprisingly some of these were family members, but also people I work with too.
There were so many benefits to doing this. It gave me the opportunity to see who I spend most of my time with – am sure you have heard of the saying that we are the sum of the 5 people we surround ourselves with. It gives you the opportunity to appraise who those people are.
I realised that at some points we all (some more than others) impact both negatively and positively on others. Even if we aren’t intending to it is the perception of others that decides the impact we have upon them. So in that vein I came to the conclusion that really it is my response that makes it positive or negative. After all that’s all I am in control of. I can’t change the way another person behaves. I can only change the way in which I respond, and, as the purpose of the exercise, decide whether or not to keep people in my life.
Gives a whole new meaning to a New Year sale.