Ask yourself this and, ‘what must I be or do in my life before I value myself?’
If, ‘I am not good enough’, is your most dominant self limiting belief, then you will (most likely unconsciously) create a whole myriad of things you must be and do before you can have a good level of self worth. So when you look to answer these questions honestly, the most likely answer to them will be nothing.
If you are truly honest with yourself, you will see quite clearly that there is nothing you could ever do in terms of external achievements that would impact on your level of self worth to a degree where it is sustainable. You could continue on through the rest of your life convincing yourself that before you can value yourself and have a good level of self worth you must first; buy a house, secure the job of your dreams, live in a warmer country, find a husband or wife, have thousands in the bank, have published a book, be thinner, have better skin (or whatever other body part you think you’d feel better if it changed) and so the list goes on. However, if what you have achieved in your life to this point hasn’t affected the level of self worth you hold for yourself, nothing you ever achieve will affect it. This might seem obvious, but until it sinks in what I am saying won’t have enough of an effect for you to do something meaningful about it. At certain points in your life, when you achieve something, you may get that feeling of elation that ‘this is it!’, this is what you have been waiting for, but you will soon realise it isn’t and continue on with your search for what is missing and needing to just reach another point.
In the end you realise that half of your adult life has disappeared in ‘some day isle’ (a phrase a good friend of mine uses) and that you spend half your time living in the future. You aren’t where your feet are planted, i.e. in the here and now where truly your life is and where it matters most. If you think about it, this is right where your future is created.
The nature of the problem to feeling less than or not good enough is there is something missing. This is why you live your life constantly looking at what you have done wrong or what you could do better – you are focusing on the lack and the scarcity – the what is missing from your life that makes you not good or enough or less than. If you could fill that space, that void with a better job, more money (something from the list above or whatever you feel is missing) your life will be complete. You will be more than enough and feel good. This is self sabotage and a cruel trick of the mind.
The solution is always to be found within the problem – in this case it is simple; to what is missing – there is nothing missing, it is already there within you – your false perception of what is real deludes you into thinking there is something missing. I cannot comment on what your life experience has been to create these false limiting beliefs about yourself, but usually it is the case they were created in childhood. It isn’t even the case that there needed to be great torrents of abuse – truly most parents do the best they can. However, it does not take much for children to grow up believing they are not good enough. Depending on the degree to which they take that on board, will shape the way they then live their lives. This happens through constantly reaffirming the belief by repetitive patterns of behaviour, until it is so conditioned within their being, that by adulthood it simply becomes a normal way of life. Not good enough and the feeling of being less than is so intrinsic to character that it weaves its way through every single avenue of one’s life making it nigh on impossible to spot.
Through meditation and mindfulness it is possible to raise your level of self awareness to such a degree that you can unravel the behaviour and change it. Starting with identifying the beliefs you hold about yourself, others and the world at large. Being mindful enables you to see how your beliefs shape your thoughts that in turn guide your behaviour and ultimately drive your actions.
If you can replace the limiting beliefs you can transform your life. It will not happen overnight. These beliefs have been within you for many years. The further along your life path you are, the trickier it becomes, but it is possible and often times I have found that it is not gargantuan leaps you need to take to make a difference, just small steps that over time become the difference.
If you are reading this, you are already seeking some sort of change. Start by noticing what you think about yourself, what are the habitual patterns of thought that run through your mind are. If you can’t figure these out, that’s ok. Honestly, these beliefs are so ingrained that it can be difficult to know what they are. Another effective way of figuring them out is to look at the end result i.e. what you experience in your life. What are the common themes that run through your relationships, your career, your lifestyle habits, your finances? Really look closely and be honest with yourself. Meditate upon them and seek the answers. They will come.
Once you have figured out the most dominant limiting beliefs – we all have so many, but usually there are just one or two that literally infiltrate most of your life – work on them. I guarantee if you can start to replace the limiting belief with a new one that does serve you, your life will start to change. I am not good enough becomes I am enough, I have enough and I am more than capable of …..(fill in the gap). It all starts with a belief. If nothing else at the starting point, believe in yourself enough to want to change. Start here, right now where your feet are planted and believe in the power you have within you to change. Take each moment of each day and affirm that to yourself until you identify the beliefs and do the same to change those. When you begin to form new beliefs these in turn spark different thoughts. When you start to take actions that are aligned with your new beliefs and thoughts you put energy into motion and you manifest a different outcome than the one you are living. You consciously create a new life, a better life and all those things you believed you needed to achieve to be good enough will already be in front of you. You will realise you are enough and you have enough. In the here and now. I am good enough comes from within and when you truly believe that it will emanate from you into every aspect of your life. What is within will always be without.
“To know you have enough is to be rich beyond measure.” – Lao Tzu
[There is a paradox to me in this photo, finding peace and serenity sitting on the top of a Range Rover. It sums this post up to me in so many ways. This photo was taken by the ocean close to Reyes Point, California, where my sister and I were convinced of climbing down a cliff with my brother!]