Once upon a time, many years ago, I lived in an absolute tornado of existence being thrown from one chaotic moment to another. As my life progressed, things took more and more turns for the worse until one cold February night after what was probably going through the ‘worst’ years of my life, I had a vision. There was something deep within me all along that was searching for a better life, I just couldn’t seem to connect with it. Masked over by far too much self sabotage and utter destruction.
In this moment, in my minds eye, I saw with such clarity what lay in front of me. I was 34 years old and if I didn’t sort myself and my life situation out there was no doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t make it. Even if I didn’t think I owed that to myself, I did owe it to my two beautiful children. There were two paths – one where I continued and my life would no doubt end before too long and another where I took a different path and got myself better.
Thankfully, I took the different path and that’s when the change began.
Shortly after this I found Buddhism, meditation and then yoga. Giving up the destructive habits took many, many more years, but one by one I gave them up.
I became a life coach, yoga teacher and studied meditation. It was like by helping others I was healing myself. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t overnight become this enlightened and happy smiling being. It took time and patience.
Something I have learned is this; self development, healing yourself, changing your life and all that goes with it isn’t about striving for improvement, in fact that is exhausting! It is about uncovering what has been there all along and restoring wholeness. When you feel you are ‘broken’ you try to fix yourself through external sources, but truly, you are already whole….and so it is about reconnecting with that wholeness, to yourself and who you truly and already are.
Buddhism, yoga and meditation are now central to my life and I thought how lovely it would be to share and help others with their own life struggles through what I have learnt and experienced in mine.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.